Snippets: September 2023
Dark whys, reading, research, and other life updates
Hey everyone!
It’s been a while, and I have quite a lot to share. I’ll get into some of the topics and themes I’ve been thinking about lately:
I’ve been increasingly fascinated by the idea of a “dark why”. In my own life, the strongest sources of motivation have often been rooted in negative feelings. I’ve often used resentment, anger and a desire to prove others wrong as fuel to get things done. While it isn’t always healthy, the results speak for themselves, and I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I didn’t channel my energies in that manner.
If you’re feeling stuck and in need of some tough love, try picturing the worst version of yourself like a reflection in the mirror. What would it look like if your worst traits were dialed to the extreme? It might be worth using those questions to guide your actions.
I sometimes peek at the bestselling shelves of local bookstores to get a sense of what’s popular (and will inevitably play an outsized role in cultural discourse). The large majority of new titles are based around psychology, self-help, and therapy. This is my own take, but I feel like it’s symptomatic of an increasingly individualistic, affirmation-centric culture that paints an all too reductive picture of personal growth.
On a broader scale, it probably also has roots in the modern decline of religion and spirituality. These traditional social institutions may have played a more central role in the making of a good life before, but most are struggling to remain relevant in the present.
The truth is that on their own, no amount of self-help - reading, videos, podcasts or mindfulness exercises - can ever lead you to a holistic and fulfilled life. As much as it might seem like all the answers lie within, these are all secondary to the task of engaging with the world around you earnestly.
An aside on books: As important as it’s been my life, I don’t think that reading alone is sufficient to have an informed view of the world. Books are far from the best, or only way to learn. In addition, another apt quote by Schopenhauer: “The art of not reading is an important one. It consists in not taking an interest in whatever may be engaging the attention of the general public at any particular time … A precondition for reading good books is not reading bad ones, for life is short.” I have a growing interest in fiction and the classics, not just because of the breadth of topics they touch on, but also how open they are to interpretation. I have more thoughts on this, but I’ll leave it here for now.
My experience with doing academic research has been really eye-opening, but it’s definitely not what I initially expected. The most surprising thing for me was how much background study and literature reviews were required before settling on a research topic. While I understand the motives, it feels like a shame that curiosity alone isn’t enough to justify the pursuit of knowledge.
I’m fascinated with Adam Mastroianni’s idea of science houses. We are so privileged to have knowledge, data, and tools of experimentation so readily accessible, but the process of deriving those insights is exclusive, guarded, and makes less and less financial sense. But I believe that there is value in reinventing the wheel, going back to first principles and deriving things from scratch. Science needs more enthusiasts.
Over the last year, I had brief stint with trying to be more active as a content creator on social media. It was spurred by a mix of renewed excitement towards life and a desire to expand my social circle, but I’m glad it was a phase that ended quickly. After reevaluating my priorities, I’ve come to my own conclusion that a life shared on social media is not for me. There’s a persistent tension - a drive to turn every waking moment into “content”, and I feel like it ends up making life all too performative.
Content is never-ending. Social media has been around long enough that the playbook is obvious. Mine the real world for something new, and then make it viral. It’s a tiring and trite formula. The further away I can get from public opinion and popularity contests, the better.
A final note: After about a year on this platform, I think I'm figuring this whole Substack thing out. I love the community here, and I feel truly lucky being able to tune into some of the most cogent and refreshing perspectives (almost for free!), which have also helped shape my own writing style.
I have to confess that I feel stuck between 2 different worlds. My work and career goals revolve heavily around engineering and technology, but I also spend a lot of time engaging with writing on culture and personal reflections. They don’t often intersect, and it’s a constant challenge balancing my free time between these two areas. Still, I’m grateful to have a chance to do both, and I don’t expect to ever stop writing in public.
I intend for my style to remain easygoing and conversational - a place where I can share ideas freely and without censorship. My posts will always be free, but as my audience has grown, I’ve also begun to think about what this newsletter could be in the future. In a roundabout way, having a larger audience makes me feel more accountable and makes me take my writing more seriously.
So as an experiment, I’ve started to offer paid subscriptions for my newsletter. I’ve set the absolute lowest for both monthly and yearly offerings (believe me, I would charge less if I could), and it’s completely up to you, reader, if you want to support my writing financially. Either way, I guarantee there’s a lot more you can look forward to here.
(EDIT: Ultimately decided against any paid offerings, since that’s not what I’m writing this newsletter for)
Stay curious,
Emmanuel